Lowes

The first night in the 4 star hotel I put on the blue rubber gloves and finger fuck her in the dark working my fingers in feeling the first three fingers fill her as she opens.

Faster and harder punching in deep pushing up on that spongy spot behind the clit. My pinky slides inside making her groan and whine, I am almost fisting her only the thumb stays outside hugging the clit.

She pushes away - I follow we slide across the bed now - me holding her down her pushing against me as I make her spasm. She backs up onto the little table next to the bed, look of open eyes and shock she slides sideways across the bed and off the edge - my gloved hand sliding out with wet sound.

Later she asks me "you know I was trying to get away" I smile and say yes I did and next time you wont be able to.

The last night in the room I use the rope to keep her packaged and open, legs chicken winged, shibari style harness holding her arms for me she doesn't get away in the least, hard hemp ropes biting in keeping her for me in an embrace.

In the dark ;-)

Bi sexuality is a word

I love reading people Blogs by people who i really like it really spurs me to think out loud

http://maybemaimed.blogspot.com/2007/08/what-almost-everybody-else-doesnt-get.html#links

Bi sexuality if thats what you want to call it is a term that I have tried to get my head around for years having been pigeonholed by many people as either “Mr macho” or they pick up that vibe that I am not that straight and the various assumptions people make based on them.

I missed getting to The bi panel class thing at TFW due to the loss of time (long story for another time) and wasn't that interested in what It would reveal to me but more the shape of whats in my head and maybe to toss a few questions or statements out and see what resonated.

Growing up my parents raised me to be very passionate about injustice and race relations (I did grow up in the 60's and 70's) and in many ways because of it I grew up very race blind. My friends were people first the fact they were black Asian or whatever came second if not at all.

A secondary effect was is that I was raised oddly gender neutral, kissing was a normal thing as was crying and doing things that crossed the borders between so called blue and pink blanket things that girls and boys were supposed to have been trained to identify with.. I grew up in an art family so i knew how to sew and build things, sports bore the crap out of me and dolls were fun (I have a post for later on German torture camp GI joe and the couple of thousand dollars worth of toys in todays dollars me and my friends mutilated and raped) It was okay to kiss girls or boys and things that felt good like masturbation and innocent sex play was never corrected or made shameful so all sex and sex's were okay.

Now during my pre-puberty years I was intensively sexual with out really knowing what i was doing and when I was just hitting puberty my first real sexual experiences were with other boys, friends I had grown up with this included sucking and ass fucking and a hell of a lot of group showers as testosterone took what was aimless feel good feelings and sensations and turned them into directed testosterone fueled sex.

Now we get to where things start to get little fucked up in which I grew up reading Erotic art I and II these were my masturbation books well really there were in my parents art book library they were of course up in my room on a regular basis as masturbation material so i spent a good portion of my early formative years masturbating to Michelangelo, Japanese pillow book paintings and modern art through the ages, to top of this cornucopia of artist smut was a complete volume of Von Bayros etching and I do mean complete this was not the only pot of porn gold there was also my fathers playboy collection at his commercial art studio in midtown (For reference uses only of course).

My mother didn't believe in doors growing up in the apartment i was born in. My bedroom was at the front of the apartment and I had privacy thru dint of my parents being at the other end however i had no way to shut or close myself in to develop that external sense of distance and privacy, if I wanted privacy i would literally have to hide in the closet as they had doors.

This was a background issue until puberty hit and we had moved in to the Loft and i had an actual choice to make which was doors or no doors I think looking back I was very surprised at the time as to how adamant and intense i was to finally have doors on my room to be able to shut out the rest of the people and my family. I realize these days that my intense sense of privacy that i don't express myself sexually has come from that need to be able to not so much hide as be able to protect my sexuality and feelings.

Now we come to that wonder word Bi which to me is almost meaningless I have major problems with gay and straight space because i have almost no ability to deal with the stereotypes and interactions. Now when i say I have problems i don't mean it in terms of I don't like those spaces just that navigating them can be vary much trial and error with out any real landmarks to work from.

While i had the archetypes of gay sex and straight kink all around me growing up, I live in NYC and grew up during times squares porn heyday as well as my grade school PS3 was right around the corner from I never locked down to any one thing, I found Tom of Finland in an old home grown porn mag put out by Annie sprinkles and friends back in the 70's called love and hate at a weird book store called Sohozat down on west Broadway and canal and took it home to masturbate to i didn't really identify these as gay porn they just made my cock hard and shoot. Digging through the trash around the corner from my house at what used to be a garbage depot I dug up old black and white sleazy Hetro porn and well i got just as hard from that and hot just as far!

People use the term Bi in terms of orientation and sliding scales and to my internal structures all I see is sex, boy sex, men sex, girl sex ,sex sex all comes away in my head as the same the problem due to my privacy issues expressing those feeling and those actions the want to grab a cunt or a cock is held back by how safe i feel within those areas and how exposed i want to be.

But i just don't get the term I see people i want to sleep with or
hug or love I don't really think of it in terms of looking for a guy or a girl its whatever it is that makes me pay attention i have the same problem with fat or thin, while i am not fond of fat and prefer thinner i have people in my life who aren't small, note the word people not the word fat or small.

Someone once gave me a whole thing about how we were kindred spirits because someone I was playing with wasn't svelte and super thin and i was truly perplexed because I was attracted to the person i was playing with the fact that they were in any way hefty just didn't click in anyway with me.

Now before anyone starts to throw people my way because they happen to be large I am a very picky person and while these are my filters and they may seem open, the reality is its me that gets to choose and I know my preferences, toss someone at me just cause they are looking for a scene and i am probably not to interested unless they fit what i am looking for at the moment do they just want to fuck they better in that case be uber hot or its just not gonna happen and I do mean that in either a male or female capacity.

I like to know people If i know you then you have an opportunity that anyone coming up and saying hi really doesn't have

But most of all if your curious or interested the best way to define my preference of the moment is to just ask, you may be surprised

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